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| I dont understand why we broke up this time. I hope you know I tried. I was willing to cross whatever obstacles that faced us. Maybe I wasnt strong enough, mayb i shouldnt of pushed so hard. I think your doing this to see if I change, I think you doing it cuz u need time to reevaluate, i think you shouldntve pushed me away... I think you dont know how much I loved you. I say loved, cuz i dont love you the same way nemore. I miss you, and I love you... but its different now. Ive grown up. Ive realizied I love myself, and that I dont feel bad. I dont feel bad, cuz i am young and my life is a well of opportunities in front of me. Id of loved to have experienced more of my life with you, and mayb i will one day. Or maybe this is officially the end of a really awesome legacy, and a relationship and a love that is indescrible and worth crying about and missing becuz it was good. I dead miss you, and I cant believe you treated me how you did. I HOPE ONE DAY YOU CAN EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IT WAS A MIX OF BEING BUSY AND NOT WANTING TO TALK TO ME.WHY DID YOU TELL ME NOT HOLD MY BREATH TO WAIT TO TALK TO YOU? I hope i have the strength to stay the fuck away from you...bcuz if there is a next time... I want to know that your sure, and that I didnt push you or force you to love me. Love should come naturally. If its meant to be so, it will be. If not, I know I will survive, cuz I am surviving right now.
I love you. I miss you. I wish you would tell me you miss me and that you were wrong, that you were mean. that your sorry, that you appreciate me, and you want me in your life now and forever.
=]
But there is no such thing as Cinderella or ne other cute movie u seen (like the notebook). The only truth from life is that love hurts... but wen it doesnt hurt, its beautiful and inspiring. I miss LOVE, as much as I miss you... cuz the best part of our relationship was the loving part.
If ne1 reads this, which I doubt.... but in case. Dont feel bad for me, I loved and I had fun and my relationship was beautiful and wonderful and I dont regret it. Honestly. if you hear different, i lied out of either anger or pain.
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| My
eye is swollen. Im extremely hot, and have been up since 9:30 when
plumbers came and dug a hole in my floor and my wall. My eye really
does hurt, if feels like I got into a fight while I was asleep. I go to
FL manana, Im friggin happy as hell. I miss havin my own space...Anyway
Im out to Nei's house.
"I'll think about it"
Michelle
Aka Queen of the World
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| Had mad fun today! Chillin con mi boricuas haciendo ruido and havin fun
out at the festival. Yo and nobody can tell me they have a better lil
sis then me. CELENA'S THE SHIT BITCHES!!! So yea Im a confused person
and no longer know who I like. Its not even a triangle anymore its like
a pentagon...or an octagon... So wat is the respone to guys askin
for ur number and u dont want to give it to em...I asked adrian he gave
me two respones. 1 tell the guy u got a man (tried that, the dude said
"wat?, ur not allowed to have friends")2. tell them my bf is
adrian...lol. U would think bringin ur lil sister would repel guys nah.
It seems to attract em. O well. Im out...O and word to me its only 1
day till the UNBRACEMENT.
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| I
was going to write a letter to my bf of 9mths now, but i decided
against it. Nine months. Me, in a long term relationship. 9mths is
3mths away from a year. The reason im not writing the letter is b/c i
dont know wat to say. I feel empty right now. I dont know why. i just
know i feelin like im walkin around but only a few people are hearing
or seeing me. Maybe its my own foolish imagination, i dont know. I know
cheerleading is stressful and I dont give a damn what anyone
says...cheerleaders are athletes. I got punched and chin checked today.
I got a bruise on my arm from a failed attempt to do a hand to foot and
a cookie under my eye from a too twisted twist down. I know this prolly
doesnt make any sense to anyone, if anyone does read this that is.
Anyway, im slowly diggin myself into the center of the universe, and in
the process am realizing i dont really trust anyone. Then again I have
put myself into this situation...I have dug my own grave. Whose gna bury me now? I
dont know I dont care I'd rather not think about it. Virgos are the
most misunderstood sign... I dont even understand myself anymore...wait
I have never understood myself yet alone my actions.
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| I often forget my mom can
easily see my entries, and I've wrote stuff in here so freely that if
she did come across my entries I think she'd b a little hurt. Anyway I
realize that I only am really close with like two people who arent in
my family. I dont know when I became so exclusive but I know only 2
people really know me really well. O well its not important... This yr
is goin to b so bananas. How do they switch me to a harder english
class a mth into the year? O well its gna look better on my college
applications.
College good apple, its not even that far. I remember when college was
the last thing from my mind... Now my world revolves round' college
crap. My schedule is planned around college events and prep.
Well Im out. 1
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